south of nowhere - episode 301: valley of the shadows
(i know it was a full hour/two eps, but ep 2 will come later this week... life keeps gettin in the way)
***
summer loving.
so, the episode starts where we left off circa season 2 -- prom, drive-by shooting, all around good times.
wow, their prom photo looks a lot like ours... except we didn't take prom photos because: a) we thought prom was lame, and b) we were drunk.these are what are drunk group shots turn out like anyway:
***
all grey's anatomy and shit.
...and then we go straight to the hospital.
where we find out what happens to homophobes in a perfect world on south of nowhere: 
***
2 overall questions:
1. are we really supposed to feel sad about clay's death knowing the real reason danso gordon left the show?
2. considering this is supposed to be, like, the uber-depressing episode, did they really have to use the same theme song?? to me, it just doesn't fit.
sidenote: i totally didn't realize how much i missed my girls in the off-season :)
***
3 MONTHS LATER
... a.k.a. the MTV True Life documentary of when i started this recap.
well thank god we didn't have to watch the grieving process... cuz it's about as much fun to watch as it is to actually go through.
i put your picture away
enter casa de carlin... i don't mean to be insensitive or anything... but shouldn't there be a picture of ashley where that one of clay is?? hmm... perhaps we missed a lot over these past 3 months.
***
seriously, i really would.
cut to king high.. apparently mtv's going to be doing a "true life documentary" on the shooting and how it affected the people involved, and blah blah blah after school special. i'd rather watch scarred.
it makes me smile to see that madison's humour is about as inappropriate as mine. we would totally get along. i just don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.
***
actually, she bats for both teams.
still at king high, now we're speedwalking down the outdoor "halls" with ashley and aiden... i'm not gonna lie, these two kind of make me sick.
wow, maybe this is an episode of scarred. something tells me we're gonna be seeing a lot of aiden's half-nakedness this season... which is unnecessary.
back in black
so in the midst of this flirting walking down the hall that ashden are doing, we learn that ashley took off to europe for the summer and didn't return spencer's calls... however she did return aiden's.
this earns ashley this week's douche award:
if she weren't so hot, i'd be a lot angrier.. spencer deserves better.
aiden: wait, you called me back, and not her?
ashley: well yeah, after clay i just didn't even know how to deal.
yeah, douche. definately.
***
truthfully, fuck off.
so spencer's sitting down to do her "true life" interview. she had something to say prepared but forgot it when actually put on the spot. she sounds like me on presentation days.
what basically comes out is: "the night of the shooting i lost my brother... it just reminds me how much this all sucks. yeah, i'm done."
umm... i don't know. for me, these circumstances would be the last under which i would want to be on tv. seriously. and my speech probably would've come out just like spencer's.
***
in the land of the unemployed & futureless.
not only does glen have creepy facial hair, he has also decided to devote his waking life to guitar hero... similar to many other guys i know who did nothing productive after highschool.
paula busts in, crazy mad that glen's doing zippo with his life:
paula: glen, you're a highschool graduate!!
i'm glad she reminded me, because currently he's looking like a trailer park hugh hefner.
***
actually, on the seventh day He created camera whores.
madison's all too happy to be in front of the camera.. and talking.
apparently she's going back into cheerleading.
***
if i were preggers i'd be pissed too.
chelsea's complaining about being fat...while eating. heffer. seriously though, this girl's supposed to be 3 months preggers?? hmm...
then again, there was a girl in my school who went 7 months before her parents found out... which lead me to ask -- did she even live with her parents??
enter night, exit light.
doucheley rolls in for an argument a talk with spencer.
ashley: there is so much i wanna say to you.
spencer: say it.
ashley: i don't even know where to--
mtv hoe: hi, sorry to interrupt.
ashley: ok, then don't.
mtv hoe: actually, i just want to talk to you.
ashley [to hoe]: goodbye.
mtv hoe: well then, can you tell me a time that's better for you?
ashley: yeah, never.
spencer: you know what? you guys should talk, umm... cuz i'm not really sure i wanna have this conversation right now.
boo. byebye spencer
ashley's mugshot interview:
***
where has your character gone? right!!--down the crapper.
aiden decides to completely take kyla out of the picture, by means of bodycheck.
we found a dolly, let's use it repeatedly.
the dolly's at work again. we're chasing them down the hall. they've obviously broken up, although no one's said it yet.
apparently in the last three months aiden has also invested in a penis extension:
he's very close to being douche #2.
***
to love and hate all at once.
spencer's over at chelsea's loft and they're discussing spencer and ashley's relationship.
spencer: part of me, like, really wants to cut her off completely... and the other part of me really wants to kiss her.
i vote the second option.
*knock knock knock*
who could it be?
IT'S THE MTV STALKING CREW:
like, seriously, how the fuck did you get my address?
chelsea looks about as excited to see them as i am.
now it's her turn to talk about clay.. and the baby.. and how she's not in paris.. and other things i am uninterested in. don't get me wrong, i think chelsea's super cute and i like the actress, but this episode just keeps going from ok to let me slit my wrists as fast as aiden went from zero to dyke. (oh, come on, he is soooo dykey -- the bike..? even the hair.)
***
wow, it really is a gay show. :D
when did aiden and glen get so friendly?? didn't they hate eachother?? now aiden's getting glen a job?? weird.
what's the best part of skipping ahead three months?!? you can incorporate INEXPLICABLE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (or lack thereof) with no need for an explanation whatsoever.
i wonder how long it'll be before these two hook up.
***
hey paula
doucheley drops by casa de carlin and ends up talking to paula blah blah
spencer's clearly avoiding ash, and paula's really trying to avoid the awkward with her.
***
parting is such sweet sorrow... except it's not.
apparently this guy's leaving the show:
blech. EROOOOODING
***
now this is what i paid to see..
why is madison doing a 5 minute hoe-down (oh punny) for the whole school?? i guess it doesn't really matter. it's possibly the best part of this episode so far. valerie ortiz is pretty fucking sexy...
***
you know you wanna touch it.
aiden and his new penis are now being interviewed by the stalkers... i can't figure out what's sadder: the fact that he's doing the interview ON the bike, or the fact that he's been spewing out "carpe diem" cliche bullshit this whole time.
i bet that bike's not the only thing he straddles... booong.
***
in case you didn't see it coming... like a really slow-moving car.
spence is on her way to chelsea's because she text messaged her... anyone else think this situation is suspect at best??
i don't know whether to say "guess who it's not!" or "guess who!".. either way, it's pretty fucking obvious. why do these two always use chelsea's loft as their shag pad?? meh.
i've been patiently waiting... just for this moment.
ashley: i don't know what happened between us. ok, i do. i wasn't there for you... again, and i wanted to be... but i-i felt guilty and i didn't call because i still didn't know what to say. but... i do know what to say now--
(this had better be fucking good)
ashley: --the night of the shooting... before our entire world fell apart, you told me that i needed to choose between you and aiden... here i am. i choose you. i need you. please tell me you need me just a little bit too.
blech.
but it works on spencer, and we finally get the kind of scene we've been waiting 2 full seasons for:
and thus ends episode one... we'll take a bit of an intermission before my cap of ep two.... possibly another 3 months from now ;)
later all. :P
