MOVIE REVIEWS?!? SOME SoN SHIT!! (hopefully...) L WORD RECAPS?!? MORE SHIT RE: GIRLTRASH!!! THE 2ND INSTALLMENT OF: LESBIAN COUGARS!!! ...AND EVEN MORE SEXY LADIES!!! ...apparently i just have nothing better to do with my time.. like, seriously.
half of these things will probably never happen... well except for the sexy ladies... but i swear i'll try... l word recaps will probably come as the episodes air in canada (circa september) and SoN i'll likely give a shot at recapping too... we'll see how shit goes down.
anyway, i've totally been MIA for most of the summer, so i'm hoping to fix that
so afterellen's reader-compiled list of the 100 hottest women (as a response to maxim's 100 hottest list) made me think of who my favourite hotties are... some of which may not be a surprise at all...
in regards to the two above lists, i agreed and disagreed with some of the ladies on both.. and came to think of some who were on neither list.
while i love to objectify love many ladies, i cut my list down to a nice, round 25.. mostly cuz i'm far too lazy to list 100 of my own. so here are 25 of my favourite ladies with a nice little explanation and some sexy pictures for your viewing pleasure...
1. EMILY HAINES if you've been here before, you should know by now that i'm pretty much neurotically obsessed in love with emily. (if you're new, see here, here & here). her voice makes my heart melt, and she makes my heart race. i don't really care about the fact that she's canadian, just that she sends chills up my spine. (if you don't know her, look up the band metric or check her website for her solo stuff -- also known as the greatest music ever made)
2. FAMKE JANSSEN i just generally think famke is one of the most gorgeous women in the world. you need look no further than any of the x-men movies or a second season episode of nip/tuck to know what i'm talking about. she exudes sex appeal, and i'm feeling it.
3. JORDANA BREWSTER so i loved her after the faculty and [obviously] d.e.b.s. made me love her that much more. i'm a huge fan of brunettes and she does her breed more than justice. she looks wholesome, but also looks like she knows how to throw down, and she can throw down with me any time.
4. MISSY PEREGRYM i must refer to my earlier post for my favourite nickname ever: missy is what i like to call walking sex. and while i'm usually too busy objectifying staring at her (oh who the fuck am i kidding, i'm objectifying her) to form words, i'll try here. uhm. i hear she's on heroes now, but i don't really watch tv... this picture is making me re-think that decision... mmm...
5. RACHEL SHELLEY again, one of my fav women to fawn over (ie- here). rachel as helena on the l word makes me want to jog... all day... as long as she's with me and in a sweatsuit... mmmmm (however, i won't get started on my current problems with the l word or we'll be here all night...). the accent doesn't hurt either--i'm cake, so i love me an accent.
6. ELIZA DUSHKU me likey. me likey a lot. as faith in buffy? hello. i'd let her stake me any day... except you know, not with a stake... uhm awkward? nah, but eliza's hot, and apparently she's got a new series coming up on fox, so i'm hoping to catch some super sexy clips. (if you feel lacking in eliza goodness, you can get your fix here... ps- of course it's a slash vid, would you expect any less?)
7. SARAH SILVERMAN to be honest, i didn't get the sarah silverman appeal until quite recently. and then i saw her on the mtv awards, and wow. no fucking kidding. any girl who's not afraid to be that offensive with the target sitting right in the audience? fucking bank. i might even be willing to look past the jimmy kimmel thing, cuz eww creepy. (oh and she also gets the biggest tease of the year award)
8. EVAN RACHEL WOOD it'd be so much easier to make a joke if i were a dude -- something to do with wood for sure. but besides all that, she's smoking and perhaps the only girl on this list that's actually around my age. and with credentials like thirteen, pretty persuasion, and running with scissors -- she's clearly got a long, bright future of pseudo-indie flicks (ie- movies i'll acutally watch) ahead of her. (and for peace of mind, i will consciously ignore the whole marilyn manson thing... cuz again, eww. why do all the hottest straight chicks end up with the biggest douchebags?)
9. OLIVIA WILDE cuz hello. are you looking at those eyes? (i'd like to actually fake the high horse and say that i chose this pic cuz it accents the eyes, but it's more likely i chose this cuz there wasn't some completely slutted up pic hehe) i'd like to say where the fuck has she been since the o.c.? i'm sure she's been in stuff, but nothing i've seen... so basically she needs to be in something else. i'm thinking another gay role... i could live with that :)
10. FEIST another *ahem* canadian. random. but yeah, feist is another singer that looks as good as she sounds. and wow, does she sound good. doesn't hurt that she's close friends with peaches either (and peaches is just fucking awesome). if you haven't heard of her, or heard any of her stuff, i suggest you watch the vid for mushaboom and play a game i like to call 'find peaches!' (and it's not that hard.... she's in a fucking pink jacket...)
11. GINA GERSHON
the only reason gina didn't make the top 10 is because i actually haven't thought about her in a while... i completely forgot about her until i (randomly enough) saw her on celebrity poker recently... and no i don't watch poker on television, i'm not a douche. :P but yeah, she's definately looking as sexy as ever, and man, her lips kill me.
12. PIPER PERABO um. coyote ugly. that's all. but nah, from ugly to lost & delirious to imagine me & you, this is def a girl who's not afraid to play gay... and that's a good thing cuz i'd watch her all day. whether she's dancing on a bar, jumping off a rooftop, or getting it on with #21, it doesn't matter. she makes it look good. very, very good.
13. MIA KIRSHNER i've called her "my l girl" before, and that ain't no joke. as much as i love helena peabody, i've got a soft spot in my heart for poor, misguided jenny. oh fuck it, who am i kidding, i always go for the fuck ups, and jenny is the perfect example. neurotic? check. paranoid? check. ooh, a potential for schizophrenia is allllll i need. but nah, jenny aside, mia is one of the sexiest women in hollywood (or, more accurately, vancouver) and totally deserves a spot on my list.. and in my bed in my heart
14. TRICIA HELFER even if you've never seen BSG (and yes, i am a big enough geek to use the acronym) you must have seen her somewhere... i'm thinking maxim, fhm, or the like. she is an internationally renowned super model, and one of the best canadian models in the industry (not to mention, former host of canada's next top model). and in BSG, just as fucking sexy. like whoa.
15. MISCHA BARTON the o.c. died midway through the first season she wasn't there... that definately says something... but it says something that has nothing to do with the fact she's on this list. because this list is mostly about aesthetic, and my oh my is she aesthetically pleasing. i guess this is another one where people may disagree, but in addition to psychotic women, i also tend to go for women who look like they are malnourished... i really don't know why. but she can poke her bones at me any time. (i actually laughed as i typed "bone", and that's sad.. lol)
16. SCARLETT JOHANSSON
i think she may be the most universally appealing woman on this list (esp. since i'm not down with angelina since she adopted those 500 babies and started banging the pitt). she was featured rather high on both of the aforementioned lists, and has topped a couple as well. and she's not just a pretty face (although she's a very, very pretty face) she's also def got some acting skills. if men and women alike can appreciate the classic beauty, there's gotta be something right going on.
17. JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT sadly, i was totally considering typing her name as "j-love" or something equally absurd. yeah, way back in the days of i know what you did last summer, i was staring at her chest rather than the "scary" aspects of the movie (not to mention buffy was there too, hello eye candy). i'm not really up on what we'll loosely refer to as her "current tv career"... all i know is her show has something to do with all that psychic shit. same reason i don't watch medium and will never watch it. but i'll watch her... she's hot.
(*oh, and i just remembered the name is the ghost whisperer (i think?) cuz i was totally gonna call it "the horse whisperer")
18. MANDY MUSGRAVE wow... this is the first "sexy photo" of mandy i've found, and wow. she's so pseudo-innocent (well, non-softcore) on SON, and even on Girltrash she's slated to be some poor, misguided kid. she's clearly not a kid, and seeing some of the pictures i've seen, i'm really hoping she's legal ;) oh, and if they de-gay her character on SON (as the rumours suggest) she's so off my list. (isn't that sad? haha)
19. KEIRA KNIGHTLY not for pirates, cuz i'm actually not a fan of those movies. (orlando bloom makes me hurl). but because of a little movie called bend it like beckham, because lezzie-subtext was all i really needed. she's just strikingly beautiful (although she's another super-skinny chick, so again, this could be just me) and of course, extra points for the accent. grr
20. KATE WINSLET so glad she evolved beyond titanic, because (although i loved it at the time -- as did everyone... even you, you liar) fuck that. can you imagine if that was what she was best known for? although i just remembered that you see the goods in that movie... and that they're good. but with follow-ups like eternal sunshine, finding neverland, and little children, she's another one with an exceptionally bright future ahead of her... complete with accent bonus points.
22. LENA HEADEY
and rounding off the british threesome (mmm. i'm just going to imagine that for a minute)... is miss lena headey. most people know her now because of her "breakout" role in 300, but i know her much better for her "out" role in imagine me & you. who didn't love seeing her woo piper? i mean, come on. what a beauty. (and, of course, accent points)
22. PARKER POSEY what can i say? i just love her... especially in for your consideration (which if you haven't seen, you should) where she plays an actress playing a gay character... what a set up. but my fav posey line is: "dying is easy! playing a lesbian is hard!". if you like christopher guest movies, it's worth a watch. and if you like pepsi commercials, posey's got that covered too. something for all tastes :)
23. SARA FOSTER hadn't really seen her outside of d.e.b.s. til i saw her on entourage as herself... then i realized herself is really hot (gotta love grammar). i know she's been in other movies, like the big bounce -- which i've clearly never seen, but really... d.e.b.s. is all that matters. and again, little miss perfect score is so my type.
24. ERIN KELLY otherwise (and possibly exclusively) known as "annabelle" from loving annabelle. if you haven't seen it, you should... although i, like many others, hate the ending, which i won't ruin for you. and if you haven't seen it, you should check out the extended trailer to get a taste of what you're in for. and bonus? she also does actually sing the song in the movie with her band the danger flowers, who you can check out on their myspace.
25. LEISHA HAILEY yes, she was #1 on afterellen's list, but i don't know. she doesn't really scream "hot" to me... more "adorable". (especially if you're considering her as her character alice... which would totally be someone i'd go for cuz she's so neurotic). and i loved the murmurs, which totally gets her bonus. and the alice quotes do it too... my favourite simply being "this coffee tastes like poopy-shit"... i can't tell you how many times i've said that :D (oh, and just in case you need a reminder of alice's cuteness, here's the s4 basketball game -- oh the scream :D)
so yes, that's my personal list of 25. i'm sure i'll kick myself later for forgetting someone or some shit like that, but really, i'll just blog about it later.
i hate being a whiny little bitch, so i'll let my bffmy favourite youtube celeb kelly give IC this message for me: ps- if you haven't seen SHOES, you must now. RIGHT NOW.
ps- my general reaction to season 4?
here we go..bette: ARSON! ARSON! alice: really, papi? really??? jenny: shay, say 'stacey merkin is a fucking cunt'. say it. say 'stacey merkin is a fucking cunt'. jenny: do you know what "merkin" means, jolene? vagina wig. that's what her name means. shane (to papi): yeah okay, dad. alice: i don't kiss girls who wear doilies. alice: fuck my mother! kit: fuck you you lying low-down nanny-fucking motherfucker! bette (signing to jodi): they were fucking all day. bette: fucking unacceptable, this is so fucking unacceptable. (even) bette(r): fuck you, jenny. this is complete and utter total fucking bullshit. i wouldn't say that. never. that's not even gramatically correct, you fucking idiot. you're dead meat. you're just dead fucking meat, jennifer schecter.
funny random aside?? i know a carly schecter... and it's fully possible she's more insane than jenny... maybe... well really, all psych students are a little crazy... i guess. ;)
the above are called redeeming qulaities (although i know there are TONS i missed). quotes that make me piss myself smile. why can't AR do this show full time? i want girltrash, but at least if she did L full time we'd get rid of IC she'd get paid better.
credit where credit is due.. this season was chock full of amazing one-liners. kept me pissing myself in between the rest of the overwraught garbage that came out of characters' mouths.
wait, there are non-dana characters on this show? so what the fuck was with the dana tease? like, bitch please... we got 2 minutes. as soon as i saw ED in the credits i almost creamedshat myself freaked out! i'd stare at erin daniels all day. and the dialogue was rediculously awesome.
this was also rediculously awesome:
now on to the goods..
WHAT I WANT FOR SEASON 5:
1.) booty booty booty booty rockin' everywhere i want to see some fucking hot sex... wait... yes, fucking hot sex. how about some hot helena sex. of course i mean helena minus her freak show gamblers anonymous spokeswoman sidekick. i mean, fuck that. they completely underutilized the best asset on the show. let's see...
a. HOT.
b. NOT hot... kind of dirty... kind of VERY dirty. wrongo.
2.) kill off get rid of some characters. not rocket science. a 50 minute episode divided by 10+ main characters = less than 5 minutes per character per episode. for instance, where was tina at the beginning of the season??? oh, that's right, she was watching henry clip his toenails. i'm not really complaining, i kind of like the fact the show has become the ALICE + SHANE SHOW! ...however, maybe we could throw in some helena too... mmm helena.
3.) bettina i was already rooting for them at the beginning of the season, and now that tina's semi-likeable again, it's that x100,000. besides, kate arden is faaaar too narcissistic for tina (although talk about tina being a textbook sub, HAH). and as far as bette's lovelife goes, don't even get me started on the fact that jodi wears mom jeans.
4.) a slightly more sane jenny
Dear Ilene, Is there any possible way we could have a Jenny storyline that's not a complete character assassination?
Thanks, Minna
obvs jenny wouldn't be the same if she were completely balanced, but come on. she was a fucking psychopath this season. i bet mia had a lottttt of fun playing it out. oh vagina wig... i love you jenny.
5.) bring sexy back any ONE of the following would appease me:
lara perkins
dana fairbanks
uta refson
claude mcfrenchchick
carmen de la... la.... uhm.. yeah. carmen.
remembering carmen's last name is like trying to remember apu's last name on the simpsons. it just doesn't happen. speaking of carmen's sexy ass... wow. maybe i miss carmen more than i thought...
6.) how about some more of this:
well, that's all i've got... for now. here's hoping season 5 is actually good!! :)
so, angela robinson is directing a new series called "girltrash" which ourchart.com describes as:
"Set in the criminal underworld of Los Angeles with a dark but over the top Miami Vice vibe, Girltrash! follows the story of five ass-kicking girls, getting by any way they can, even if it means double crossing your best friend or former lover.
A gang war is brewing. You'll be asked to... Pick a side."
so why am i looking forward to the series so much? well, let me count the reasons...
#1. it's directed by ANGELA ROBISON, duh.i can look past the fact she's chosen some bad movies to work on... ...cuz hello D.E.B.S. and one of the greatest episodes of the l word EVER. with her at the helm, it's bound to be sexy and hilarious... and sexy. definately sexy. (i feel weird saying that with herbie right there...^^)
#2 have you SEEN the CAST?!?!? these "five ass-kicking" (six) fine ass girls? whoo, catch my breath now...
a) jordana brewster character: marianna, the kingpin drug lord bestill my heart. lucy diamond is back, and just as sexy. i fell in love with jordana when 'the faculty' came out.... and, well, clearly D.E.B.S. didn't hurt her any. and she's gonna be mrs smith in the tv version of the brangelina flick... not to mention there were rumours being tossed around about a possible tv role as lara croft???thank you sir, i'd like some more.
b) margaret cho character: ming-lao/"the widowmaker", marianna's rival let's ignore the fact she's just one of the coolest chicks ever... case in point... i expect her awesomeness to contribute greatly to the awesomeness of the show... not to mention she also adds something to the HOTness factor of the show. "your puss run on fossil fuels"
c) rose rollins character: monique, the enforcer well, courtesy of this week's l, we've seen the goods... and they're delicious. i can't wait to see her all classy gangsta in this series. angry yelling, gun waving, it's all good. i mean look at her, she looks fucking badass.
d) riki lindhome character: louanne, small time thief and big time heartbreaker riki is one of those girls you know you;ve seen somewhere, but you're not sure where... cuz they've been in everything. she was in million dollar baby, pulse, and has been on buffy, gilmore girls, and heroes. she's adorable, and not a stretch for a heartbreaker :)
e) AND f) SPASHLEY!!!!!! ...or as they're somtimes known, gabby christian and mandy musgrave.
oh, right, girltrash... heh... here are their characters in action:
how cute is it that they're spaz-squared??? swoon.
anyway, there's:
i. mandy, a.k.a. misty: juvenile delinquent and "rebel with a cause" ii. gabby, a.k.a. colby: the good girl so... they basically ARE spashley?? hmm
oh, and that pic of gabby as 'colby' made me laugh... hard... out loud. welcome to one girl for whom it is impossible to look all gangstarrrrr.
anyway, you can read more/see more previews of the series here.
so... they basically ARE spashley?? hmm